Search

red clay ponderings

Hmmm… what shall I ponder on today?

Tag

death

Let Me Know If You Need Anything


We say it to our friends, family and mere acquaintances when they’re going through the valley times of life. With Facebook, I read those words everyday. Just this morning, two different people I know posted of deaths in their immediate family. Their Timelines were filled, one after the other, with friends offering condolences followed by: “Let me know if you need anything”.

I resisted the urge to reply to each consoling comment….They need something. But they’re not going to ask for your help. 
Recently, my cousin’s mom died, unexpectedly. A few weeks later, her husband lost his battle with cancer…(but he went out fighting like a champion). In the middle of these tragic life events, Denise was also planning and preparing for some of life’s most celebrated moments: Her daughter’s wedding and her son’s graduation from high school; his registration for freshman year of college.

She needed things. She needed something. I know she did. But she never asked.

I’m guilty of saying to her, “Let me know if you need anything.” She said she would, but she didn’t. And I understand. I wouldn’t have asked or told either. It’s difficult for me to ask for help. I think it must be for most of us. It isn’t a matter of not being able to admit we need help; no, we simply don’t want to inconvenience others.

Not long ago, someone I know became a widower. He and his wife attended a large church, they had been members of the church for several years. When she died I went to the funeral home, expecting a large crowd from their church. But the church crowd was missing. One couple from their church had visited, they brought a cake or a pie. Except for the pastor, no one from their church attended the funeral. A few weeks later, the widower, elderly and now living alone, announced in church he would have surgery the upcoming week. No one brought him meals. Yet many, during his wife’s death and before his surgery, had said, “Let me know if you need anything”. 

We feel better when we speak words of comfort to the hurting; we beseech the grieving to call us in their time of need. Who are we? A loved one is in the middle of a raging storm and we ask them to call us? 

May I suggest we change our approach? People appreciate our sympathetic comments and good intentions. But really, what good are intentions if not followed by actions? If someone you know is going through a difficult time, just know they need your help, and do something to ease their stress.

Accidents, illness, tragedy and death don’t come calling when we have everything in order, shiny and spiffed up. They come in the middle of the night, when your laundry basket is full and your grass needs mowing; death knocks when your cupboards and fridge are empty, and your floors need to be swept, when clothes need to picked up from the cleaners; when children need to be fed.

Moving forward, when life happens to my friends and family, I’m doing what I’ve watched my friends Rich and Angie Alexandersen and TC Chassay Zimmerman and an anonymous family member do numerous times. Show up. I have never heard them say, “Let me know if you need anything”.  Instead, they understand that you will need something, and then they show up. Whether anyone asked or not.

**I’m very fortunate, I have several family and friends that Show Up in my life. I’ve learned so much about friendship, family, love and the real Church from them. **

Let’s all Show Up today.

Danita

Sweet Daisy Girl

DaisyFeb23 062

Daisy became a member of our family in late December 1998. Lindsey wanted a puppy and decided to use her birthday and Christmas money to purchase one….”the perfect one”. For three weeks in December, we pursued puppy perfection and came up short. As Christmas week approached, I suggested we put a hold on our search until the holiday was over. Lindsey reluctantly agreed, and true to her nature, waited patiently through the holiday hoopla. A couple of days after Christmas, Lindsey, Garrett (he was in search of a ferret) and I made the rounds of pet stores and animal shelters in Cartersville, Kennesaw and Marrietta. The Perfect Puppy proved to be more difficult to find than the Perfect Ferret (Garrett had had his eye on Harley, a special silver and black ferrett in the Cartersville Pet Store for several days and without hesitation, proudly adopted Harley with Christmas Dollars).

Lindsey could feel what the Perfect Puppy would be like, but she couldn’t really explain the feeling. “I’ll know when I see it”, she would say. After two full days of our post-Christmas puppy quest, we were still without a cuddly critter. Our third day would include a visit to an animal shelter in Atlanta, but first we would try the Cartersville Shelter one more time.

The shelter clerk greeted us when we entered, “You’re back! I was just thinking of you because someone just brought in a whole litter of puppies. He found them on the side of the road in Rome. We haven’t even bathed them yet. They look to be about four or five weeks old. Go on in and see them, you know the way.”

We entered the holding area, and in a large middle-row-kennel…placed at eye level to Lindsey and Garrett, were seven tired and hungry, wet and muddy, black and white puppies. They shivered pitifully; piled one against the other for warmth and comfort. One of the pups left the pack and walked to the kennel gate, where she was face to face with Lindsey. The little puppy cocked her head to the side, raised one ear and locked blue puppy eyes on my little girl. “This is the one, Mommy. She’s perfect.” And she was.

Our Perfect Puppy grew to be a fierce paintball competitor (she became a living legend in the game)…she was a protective beast where the kids and I were concerned….and a gentle mother to the many stray cats and dogs discarded on Shotgun Road. She was the most beautiful doggie in the world, and I told her so each and every day. And she was brave.

Daisy’s glory days began fading a few years ago, after she was hit by a careless man in our driveway. Paitball games ended, hikes with Garrett in the woods ceased. The cool waters of Two Run Creek no longer lured her. Kicking a soccer ball with Lindsey became a distant memory. Daisy was content to snooze in front of the fire while Lindsey rubbed her ears and scratched her back. We were content to have her there…her soft snoring a sound of comfort.

Today, Lindsey, Garrett and I reluctantly said Farewell to our Brave Girl, the Most Beautiful Doggie in the World. With broken hearts, we kissed our Perfect Puppy one last time and then we allowed her to sleep.

Rest well my Sweet Daisy Girl.

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: